From my diary:

5th of june – I´ve been on the pill for 1,5 weeks, and I can´t recognize myself. I haven´t bled a drop of blood since the first pill, and that´s.. wonderful. I want to celebrate, but we’re not there yet. You know what? I’m so.. so affected. I can´t feel the sun in my face, and be happy about it. I’m numb, feeling nothing. I can’t imagine how life would be if I used birth control since I was 16, not knowing that life can be a lot better. Now I have to use other pills to stabilize my mood together with the birth control, how insane? I don’t think I can manage this, so I’m saying goodbye to yasmine as soon as I have finished 21 days. Than I’m saying hi to Loette 28 and hope that she’s kinder and at the same time don’t make me bleed. When I’m sure my body have done a proper reboot I’ll quit birth control forever and just hope this never happens to me again. I’ve soon used a year of my life trying to not bleed, or be a hormonal crazy mess that have anxiety and outbursts. Haha, ah all the disappointments. But i´m still trying – Anniken

And now? Loette saved me, I guess. A-medi in Asker saved me. My doctor Lja Meløe saved me. I can´t describe this, I don´t know what to say. But I haven´t bled for 2 months. I can´t say its not been a single drop, because I spot a bit here and there, but I guess that´s just normal jumping on and off medications all the time. But guys.. I don´t bleed anymore. I don`t have my period, and I am not affected by the birth control. Omg, I´m crying right now. I`m finally free, I really think so. I have used the last weeks to allow myself to be happy again. Trying to relax my body, saying it´s okey now. We are done. No more pain, outburst, crying on the toilet or seeing blood every single day. No more medications, disappointments, vaginal sickness, tampoons, sleepless nights or seeing myself fall apart in the mirror. I have tried hormonal treatments over 6 months, I have used Primolut, the birth control Cerazette, the birth control Yasmin, I have tried Cycklopraron that seriously should stop any bleeding in the body. I have tried natural medications such as chaga mushrooms. I tried to eat clean, don´t drink, eat anti-inflammatory, I have visited more doctors in a year than my entire life – I could go on forever. I´ts been a long journey. I can finally be myself again, I can see that I´m not fat. I can see that it was just bloating. It´s still a long way back home to get my confidence back, and a normal relationship with my body again.. but omg. I am finally here. I don´t know where this is going to take me, and when I can quit birth control safely knowing I will have my normal cycle back. But, I have to give a big thanks to Lja, that never gave up. She literally gave me her phone number saying «you are going to say to me when we don´t need to talk anymore, not me». So we have. I have been so disappointed with so many doctors, you would not believe me actually. I have been left alone, over and over again. On new medications over and over again not knowing what to do, because I never heard from them again. I did not even get the chance to say that it did not work.. But she has been there, helped me through this. Did all the right tests, and checked me over and over again. Put me on hormonal treatments because I did not want birth control, and understood my disappointments when we had to stop doing it, because after the third time, I still bled and we did not have many options. We ended up with the birth control Loette. She´s nice, we are friends for now. If you have any questions, if you struggle with the same. Please ask me anything, I want to help you out of this.

And, most of all. Thank you Theo. For putting up with me, and actually wanting to marry me, you haven´t known me without bleeding, and if thats not love and don´t know what is. I love you.